The New Codependency: Help and Guidance for Today's Generation
Product ID: 2433849
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The New Codependency is an owner’s manual to learning to be who you are and gives you the tools necessary to reclaim your life by renouncing unhealthy practices. In Codependent No More, Melody Beattie introduced the world to the term codependency. Now a modern classic, this book established Beattie as a pioneer in self-help literature and endeared her to millions of readers who longed for healthier relationships. Twenty-five years later concepts such as self-care and setting boundaries have become entrenched in mainstream culture. Now Beattie has written a followup volume, The New Codependency, which clears up misconceptions about codependency, identifies how codependent behavior has changed, and provides a new generation with a road map to wellness. The question remains: What is and what is not codependency? Beattie here reminds us that much of codependency is normal behavior. It’s about crossing lines. There are times we do too much, care too much, feel too little, or overly engage. Feeling resentment after giving is not the same as heartfelt generosity. Narcissism and self-love, enabling and nurturing, and controlling and setting boundaries are not interchangeable terms. In The New Codependency, Beattie explores these differences, effectively invoking her own inspiring story and those of others, to empower us to step out of the victim role forever. Codependency, she shows, is not an illness but rather a series of behaviors that once broken down and analyzed can be successfully combated. Each section offers an overview of and a series of activities pertaining to a particular behavior—caretaking, controlling, manipulation, denial, repression, etc.—enabling us to personalize our own step-by-step guide to wellness. These sections, in conjunction with a series of tests allowing us to assess the level of our codependent behavior, demonstrate that while it may not seem possible now, we have the power to take care of ourselves, no matter what we are experiencing. Review: The best Codependency Book I have read. My favorite Melody Beattie book! Very helpful and meaningful book! - Having read and benefited from several of Melody Beattie books I decided to purchase her newest book regarding Codependency. So glad that I did so. This book is so thought provoking and has been so enlightening for me! After re-reading several of Melody Beattie books (Co-Dependent No More, Beyond Co-Dependency, Journey of the Heart, Language of Letting Go, and also Co-Dependent Guide to the Twelve Steps, I found this book to be her best work ever and below is why this is now my favorite Melody Beattie book: 1) Taking Care of Ourselves section - There is more information in this part of this book and more updated then her previous books. For example, in this beginning section, she shares some of her experiences. This sets the stage for more of how to take care of ones self that is explained more later into this book. 2) My favorite part of this book (most helpful one) is SECTION TWO ..The Evolving Art of Self Care. This part gives two steps to help right away with Co-Dependency - 1) Identify Teachers and Lessons Learned 2) Expressing Gratitude is a powerful practice She suggests writing a Gratitude Journal and it does work! 3) Also in Section Two is SETTING BOUNDARIES - This one has a checklist of how to set boundaries and how to set GOOD BOUNDARIES with people. This works in any type of relationship, with a partner, co-worker, friend, etc. This section has wonderful and to the point checklists that are easy to follow! And she even has a section on what Boundaries ARE NOT! 4) The section on Is it Love or Control? This explains the difference between normal love and compassion vs a controlling relationship. Ms Beattie used her own life experiences to explain examples of controlling and more. 5) The last section in this book called How To Find Help For Almost Anything - this is a must read section as it gives a number to call for help in all 50 states. 6) This book is updated and NO FLUFF, just meaningful reading in my opinion. Highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to take better care of themselves whether in a relationship or not! Review: A new take on helpful ideas - I have always been a fan of Melody Beattie's work, and I have benefited enormously from it since the old days of Codependent No More. I have not been in a relationship with someone addicted, but I nevertheless recognized myself in the description of the Codependent. There were so many similarities: not being able to take care of myself, obsessing about other people, taking care of everyone's needs (apart from my own, that is), not having boundaries. I seemed to be a textbook codependent, except that I did not get involved with alcoholics. So I just went along with what she had to say and read several of her books. The New Codependency is one of the best ones. It has all the usual qualities of her work: *She uses an empowering tone: of course you can make it. And to be honest, when she describes her life of a former junkie, you cannot help thinking: well, if she managed to get out of this mess, Surely I can get out of mine. *Her book is packed with examples. The fact of the matter is, I can see problems and solutions so much more easily when I read about someone else. Examples allow me to do that. *There is a lot of practical, down to earth advice. I cannot count the number of books I've read which describe my dreadful problems, but then leave me there with a vague "well I guess you need therapy" chapter. I hate it. Don't talk to me about my issues if you are not able to offer one hint of advice on how to solve them. In The New Codependency, Melody Beattie tackles important concepts she wrote about before (boundaries, taking care of oneself, deprivation, control...), but with a higher level of maturity . Because she does not go back to the basics, I would advise not to read this book without reading first her earlier work. If you have, then it provides additional hindsight and a wiser point of view. There are also new ideas. She insists to de-stigmatize codependency, explaining that it is just "normal behaviours, plus", that it is just a stage of grief - and I must say I find this new idea really interesting. There is a chapter about nurturing that I liked - she did not write about it earlier because she did not know what it was. And there is a whole section about emotions that I found really useful - I am one of these folks who have difficulties simply feeling.
| Best Sellers Rank | #44,905 in Books ( See Top 100 in Books ) #48 in Codependency (Books) #116 in Substance Abuse Recovery #165 in Popular Psychology Personality Study |
| Customer Reviews | 4.6 out of 5 stars 2,206 Reviews |
D**S
The best Codependency Book I have read. My favorite Melody Beattie book! Very helpful and meaningful book!
Having read and benefited from several of Melody Beattie books I decided to purchase her newest book regarding Codependency. So glad that I did so. This book is so thought provoking and has been so enlightening for me! After re-reading several of Melody Beattie books (Co-Dependent No More, Beyond Co-Dependency, Journey of the Heart, Language of Letting Go, and also Co-Dependent Guide to the Twelve Steps, I found this book to be her best work ever and below is why this is now my favorite Melody Beattie book: 1) Taking Care of Ourselves section - There is more information in this part of this book and more updated then her previous books. For example, in this beginning section, she shares some of her experiences. This sets the stage for more of how to take care of ones self that is explained more later into this book. 2) My favorite part of this book (most helpful one) is SECTION TWO ..The Evolving Art of Self Care. This part gives two steps to help right away with Co-Dependency - 1) Identify Teachers and Lessons Learned 2) Expressing Gratitude is a powerful practice She suggests writing a Gratitude Journal and it does work! 3) Also in Section Two is SETTING BOUNDARIES - This one has a checklist of how to set boundaries and how to set GOOD BOUNDARIES with people. This works in any type of relationship, with a partner, co-worker, friend, etc. This section has wonderful and to the point checklists that are easy to follow! And she even has a section on what Boundaries ARE NOT! 4) The section on Is it Love or Control? This explains the difference between normal love and compassion vs a controlling relationship. Ms Beattie used her own life experiences to explain examples of controlling and more. 5) The last section in this book called How To Find Help For Almost Anything - this is a must read section as it gives a number to call for help in all 50 states. 6) This book is updated and NO FLUFF, just meaningful reading in my opinion. Highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to take better care of themselves whether in a relationship or not!
L**O
A new take on helpful ideas
I have always been a fan of Melody Beattie's work, and I have benefited enormously from it since the old days of Codependent No More. I have not been in a relationship with someone addicted, but I nevertheless recognized myself in the description of the Codependent. There were so many similarities: not being able to take care of myself, obsessing about other people, taking care of everyone's needs (apart from my own, that is), not having boundaries. I seemed to be a textbook codependent, except that I did not get involved with alcoholics. So I just went along with what she had to say and read several of her books. The New Codependency is one of the best ones. It has all the usual qualities of her work: *She uses an empowering tone: of course you can make it. And to be honest, when she describes her life of a former junkie, you cannot help thinking: well, if she managed to get out of this mess, Surely I can get out of mine. *Her book is packed with examples. The fact of the matter is, I can see problems and solutions so much more easily when I read about someone else. Examples allow me to do that. *There is a lot of practical, down to earth advice. I cannot count the number of books I've read which describe my dreadful problems, but then leave me there with a vague "well I guess you need therapy" chapter. I hate it. Don't talk to me about my issues if you are not able to offer one hint of advice on how to solve them. In The New Codependency, Melody Beattie tackles important concepts she wrote about before (boundaries, taking care of oneself, deprivation, control...), but with a higher level of maturity . Because she does not go back to the basics, I would advise not to read this book without reading first her earlier work. If you have, then it provides additional hindsight and a wiser point of view. There are also new ideas. She insists to de-stigmatize codependency, explaining that it is just "normal behaviours, plus", that it is just a stage of grief - and I must say I find this new idea really interesting. There is a chapter about nurturing that I liked - she did not write about it earlier because she did not know what it was. And there is a whole section about emotions that I found really useful - I am one of these folks who have difficulties simply feeling.
J**N
CODEPENDENCY 2015
This newer book after Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" seems to apply more-so to the population that is not abusing drugs or alcohol, who may or may not have relatives with substance abuse problems, or may have relatives who are adult children of substance abusers. I personally have not been affected a whole lot by substance abusers nor have I abused any substance, BUT this book is required reading for getting along with yourself & others, & finding greatly needed peace & quiet within our own bodies in this high-tech, high-stress world. Beattie states this newer book is updated from her prior book, updating information & techniques & understanding of codependency. I found this book absolutely, completely essential for healing with regard to difficult people in my life & getting along with others, including seeing the times where I have been thus difficult :) There was one chapter that smacked me upside the ego & I cried, knowing that it was true for me, & healing began. Everyone who has a pulse will find themselves in these pages somewhere, & will find it a springboard/diving board to catapult from chaos & disorder back to an ordered peaceful life, especially in the realms of social media havoc that can ruin or enrich people's lives. I highly recommend this book.
I**V
Important, Good, not Great
So, if you are familiar with Codependence you know that Melody Beattie's book will be important and contain excellent information. If you are new, then definitely consider ANY of her books to get a better understanding. Some are better and more clear than this. This book is probably not the best for a total beginner. The writing is a bit all over the place and not that well organized. All the information is there, it's just a little bit scattered and written in a mildly confusing way but if you know the language of codependence you will get all the info and advice you need. So five stars for content and helpfulness, 4 stars for style of presentation. STRONGLY recommend you read it more than one time and find what works for you. Oops, there I go, "helping" total strangers get the best use out of this book. And now I know I really needed it, LOL. You might too, give it an open minded reading and see if it will make your life better. Peace
D**U
Well-written and comprehensive
I don't know that I ever read her other books, but I had a lot of exposure to 12 step programs and co-dependency in the 80s. I have really enjoyed reviewing all of that thinking. If you are in a place where you are looking for some clarity and introspection, this is a really good book. Well written and structured, with activities and assessment tests included, to help guide you in the application of these principles in your own life. I think this would be a really good book for anyone looking to make positive changes no matter how great or small. I also highly recommend it to anyone who has some one in their lives making these types of changes. Very good to read with someone as well. My husband and I are enjoying it together.
M**Y
Excellent book.
Love the book! I have some of her other books too. I am working with an Al-Anon sponsor and we’re using this book.
J**G
Moving forward :)
I found this book to be a great summary of Melody Beattie's older books in a new and relevant way. She includes many life lessons that she learned since writing the older books and it is written in today's language. The face of codependency has changed a lot with electronic communication and this book addresses these changes. Along with a summary of older material, this book talks a lot about moving forward. Ms. Beattie shares how she still steps into codependent puddles and how she recognizes it and gets out again. This helps me to not beat myself up when I have a codependent reaction. I read through this book with a group of gals from church who are also working on codependency issues. It was a great launching point for real discussion and support.
T**Z
Great book
I absolutely love this book. I have read Melody Beattie's previous books on Codependency (I.E. Codependent No More) and found this was a great book that compliments her previous books. Ms. Beattie is a great writer and each chapter flows very well. It is very educational and normalizes codependency while defining the symptoms and providing guidance for people recovering from codependency. I refer this book to many clients and family members of clients in my field (Addiction and Mental Illness). I receive great feedback on the book from others and strongly believe this book is a "must-have" for all clinicians and/or individuals suffering from codependency, and their family members. I encourage anyone who is interested in buying this book (or any type of book on this subject) to buy this book. It is well worth the money.
S**A
Excellent
Great explanations and practical help throughout
N**R
thank you so much
The book really helped me understand emotions, self-love, and learning to take care of myself. To believe in the power of prayer, surrender and letting go, too.
A**E
A must read!
Wish I had read this years ago. It should be compulsory reading in school so that the signs of codependency can be identified from the beginning. A must for anyone who has been abused, is in an abusive relationship or who feels abused in some shape or form, in other words, most of us!!!
L**A
The revelation of my Life
I absolutely enjoyed this book...every single word of it, not only with my mind with my whole heart. It has transformed me, returning me the joy of being myself, the courage to be me again. It made me understand so many things about my life and taught me how to master my feelings. I would definitely recommended to anyone who is willing to learn how to really take care of him/herself and live life to the fullest! Thank you Melody Beattie, May you be eternally blessed!
Z**I
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